35 Funny Roasts to Say to Your Brother

“Get ready to unleash some laughter with these hilarious roasts for your brother!”

Having a brother can be one of the best experiences in life. Whether he’s your partner in crime or your personal rival, there’s a bond that often comes with playful banter and jokes. Roasting each other is a fun way to strengthen that bond, making every family gathering or casual hangout a little more entertaining.

These funny roasts not only spark laughter but also create memorable moments that you’ll both cherish. If you’re looking for some light-hearted ways to tease your brother, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve compiled a list of 35 funny roasts that are sure to make him laugh— and perhaps roll his eyes a little!

Before you dive in, think about the playful nature of these roasts; they should be taken lightly and used in good spirit. So, grab a seat, prepare for some giggles, and let’s get roasting! In this article, you’ll find a collection of witty comebacks that are perfect for any occasion.

Whether you’re celebrating a birthday, hanging out at home, or just want to lighten the mood, these roasts will add a fun twist to your interactions. Plus, we’ll provide some examples to help you deliver each line with the perfect punch. Get ready to have a blast with your brother while sharing some good-natured humor!

Funny Roasts to Say to Your Brother

• “You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.”
• “I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.”
• “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
• “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
• “If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d be broke.”
• “You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
• “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
• “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
• “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
• “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
• “I’d call you a tool, but that implies you’re actually useful.”
• “If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”
• “You’re about as sharp as a marble.”
• “You’re proof that even the worst genes can survive.”
• “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
• “You’re like a candle in the wind—useless.”
• “You’re like a software bug—always there, never fixed.”
• “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be  foolish anyway.”
• “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
• “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless.”
• “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons.”
• “You’re not foolish; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.”
• “You’re the reason the instructions say ‘Remove from the box before use.'”
• “You’re as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.”
• “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d just ask you.”
• “You’re like a slinky. Not really good for much, but you bring a smile when you fall down the stairs.”
• “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”
• “I’d call you a clown, but that would be an insult to clowns.”
• “You’re the king of bad decisions.”
• “You’re so full of it that you should be your own recycling bin.”
• “You’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot.”
• “I’d call you a joke, but that would imply you’re funny.”
• “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
• “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
• “If I had a penny for every time you said something foolish, I’d be rich.”

1. “You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.”

This roast pokes fun at your brother’s silly behaviors or choices, suggesting that sometimes nature has its quirks. It’s a playful jab at his actions, making it clear that everyone makes mistakes.
Example: “You still can’t cook? You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes!”

2. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.”

This line humorously implies that your brother’s understanding is a bit lacking. It’s lighthearted and fun, suggesting he might not grasp things as quickly as others.
Example: “If you don’t understand why the game is fun, I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dingbat dictionary at home.”

3. “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”

This roast humorously compares your brother to something that often gets put off. It’s a cheeky way to say that sometimes he’s just not needed at the moment.
Example: “When you showed up unannounced, I felt like a software update—like, ‘Not now, please!’”

4. “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”

This is a classic roast that highlights how his presence might not always be a blessing. It’s a funny way to say that things are more enjoyable when he’s not around.
Example: “I love family gatherings. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room!”

5. “If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d be broke.”

This roast is a clever way to poke fun at your brother’s less-than-intelligent comments. It’s a gentle tease that can lead to some laughs.
Example: “If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d be broke, buddy!”

6. “You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”

This line is a straightforward roast, indicating that your brother can be irritating. It’s funny and direct, perfect for banter.
Example: “After that comment, I’m pretty sure you’re the reason God created the middle finger!”

7. “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”

This is a light-hearted jab, implying that your brother’s looks can make people laugh, often not in the way he intends.
Example: “Seeing your face when you trip over your own feet? If laughter is the best medicine, you must be curing the world!”

8. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”

This roast is a fun way to say that his absence brings happiness, suggesting that everyone enjoys a little peace and quiet.
Example: “Honestly, when you leave the room, it’s like you’re a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day!”

9. “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”

This roast indicates that your brother may not always be the most helpful person around. It’s a funny and creative way to say he’s not very useful.
Example: “Every time I ask for help, I think to myself, ‘You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine!’”

10. “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”

This is a playful roast, suggesting that your brother gets recognition without really earning it. It’s a humorous way to tease him about his achievements.
Example: “You know, you’re the human version of a participation trophy. Great job just showing up!”

11. “I’d call you a tool, but that implies you’re actually useful.”

This line suggests that your brother might not be very helpful. It’s a classic roast that’s sure to get some laughs.
Example: “You know, I’d call you a tool, but that implies you’re actually useful!”

12. “If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”

This roast is a cheeky way of calling out your brother’s not-so-smart moments, hinting at a lack of common sense.
Example: “After hearing that last joke, I thought, ‘If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich!’”

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13. “You’re about as sharp as a marble.”

This line humorously suggests that your brother isn’t very bright. It’s a light-hearted jab that can lead to some friendly banter.
Example: “With your latest idea, you’re about as sharp as a marble, my friend!”

14. “You’re proof that even the worst genes can survive.”

This roast implies that your brother may not be the brightest bulb, and it’s a funny way to tease him about his intelligence.
Example: “You always mess up simple tasks. You’re proof that even the worst genes can survive!”

15. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

This is a witty comeback that implies your brother is often mistaken. It’s a clever roast that’s sure to make him chuckle.
Example: “You really think you’re right about that? I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong!”

16. “You’re like a candle in the wind—useless.”

This roast is a funny way of saying that your brother doesn’t contribute much. It’s a creative jab that’ll make him laugh.
Example: “When it comes to chores, you’re like a candle in the wind—totally useless!”

17. “You’re like a software bug—always there, never fixed.”

This is a fun way to indicate that your brother often causes problems, just like a software bug. It’s relatable and humorous.
Example: “No matter what, you’re like a software bug—always there, never fixed!”

18. “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be  foolish anyway.”

This roast is a clever way to tell your brother to think before he speaks. It’s a light-hearted jab that can lead to laughter.
Example: “Sometimes I wish I could tell you, ‘You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be  foolish anyway!’”

19. “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”

This line humorously suggests that your brother may not have inherited the best genes. It’s a funny roast that can lead to some good-natured teasing.
Example: “I swear, you’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard!”

20. “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless.”

This roast implies that your brother isn’t particularly useful or helpful, similar to a broken pencil. It’s a classic line that’s sure to get a laugh.
Example: “After that idea, I have to say, you’re like a broken pencil—pointless!”

21. “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons.”

This is a humorous way of saying that your brother might not understand complex ideas. It’s a funny roast that can lighten the mood.
Example: “When you ask complicated questions, I just think, ‘I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons!’”

22. “You’re not foolish; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.”

This roast is a funny way to indicate that your brother often misses the mark, suggesting it’s just bad luck.
Example: “Every time you talk, I think you’re not foolish; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking!”

23. “You’re the reason the instructions say ‘Remove from the box before use.'”

This roast implies that your brother can be a bit clueless, humorously pointing out that he often needs extra guidance.
Example: “When you asked how to turn on the TV, I thought, ‘You’re the reason the instructions say ‘Remove from the box before use!’”

24. “You’re as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party.”

This is a cheeky way of saying that your brother’s presence isn’t always appreciated. It’s a funny roast to lighten the mood.
Example: “When you barged in uninvited, I thought, ‘You’re as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party!’”

25. “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d just ask you.”

This roast is a classic way to call out your brother’s less-than-intelligent comments. It’s a straightforward and humorous jab.
Example: “When you chimed in during the meeting, I thought, ‘If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d just ask you!’”

26. “You’re like a slinky. Not really good for much, but you bring a smile when you fall down the stairs.”

This roast humorously suggests that while your brother might not be very useful, he can still make people laugh.
Example: “When you tripped over your shoelaces, I couldn’t help but think, ‘You’re like a slinky—falling down the stairs brings a smile!’”

27. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”

This roast is a fun way to tease your brother about his lack of awareness or knowledge. It’s light-hearted and makes for a great laugh.
Example: “After hearing your latest theory on aliens, I thought, ‘If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet!’”

28. “I’d call you a clown, but that would be an insult to clowns.”

This roast humorously compares your brother to a clown, suggesting that he isn’t funny at all. It’s a witty jab that’s sure to get a chuckle.
Example: “With your latest prank, I thought, ‘I’d call you a clown, but that would be an insult to clowns!’”

29. “You’re the king of bad decisions.”

This roast is straightforward and funny, implying that your brother often makes poor choices. It’s relatable and can lead to laughter.
Example: “After hearing about your last date, I realized you’re the king of bad decisions!”

30. “You’re so full of it that you should be your own recycling bin.”

This roast suggests that your brother often talks nonsense. It’s a humorous way to poke fun at him.
Example: “After hearing your conspiracy theory, I thought, ‘You’re so full of it that you should be your own recycling bin!’”

31. “You’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot.”

This line humorously indicates that your brother isn’t particularly helpful. It’s a classic roast that can lighten the mood.
Example: “When you couldn’t help me with the groceries, I realized you’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot!”

32. “I’d call you a joke, but that would imply you’re funny.”

This roast implies that your brother isn’t actually funny, making it a playful jab at his sense of humor.
Example: “When you tried to tell a joke, I thought, ‘I’d call you a joke, but that would imply you’re funny!’”

33. “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”

This roast humorously suggests that your brother lacks intelligence. It’s a playful and creative way to tease him.
Example: “When you got lost in the mall, I thought, ‘If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose!’”

34. “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”

This is a humorous way to indicate that your brother often gets recognition without earning it. It’s a light-hearted jab.
Example: “After you bragged about finishing that race, I realized you’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy!”

35. “If I had a penny for every time you said something foolish, I’d be rich.”

This roast is a classic, implying that your brother often makes foolish comments. It’s funny and relatable.
Example: “After that last comment, I thought, ‘If I had a penny for every time you said something foolish, I’d be rich!’”

Answer the key Question

1. Are these roasts meant to be hurtful?

No, these roasts are meant to be playful and funny. Always consider your brother’s feelings and use them in good spirit.

2. Can I use these roasts with friends too?

Absolutely! Many of these roasts can be applied to friends and family as well, making them versatile for any situation.

3. What if my brother gets offended?

Always gauge his reaction. If he seems upset, it’s best to apologize and let him know it was all in fun.

4. Can I create my own roasts?

Of course! Feel free to come up with your own roasts tailored to your brother’s personality and quirks.

5. How can I deliver these roasts effectively?

Timing and tone are key! Make sure to deliver them in a light-hearted manner, ideally during a playful moment.

Conclusion

Roasting your brother can be a fun way to bond and share laughter. With these 35 funny roasts, you have the perfect arsenal to bring some humor into your relationship. Remember to keep it light-hearted and fun, as the goal is to enjoy each other’s company and create lasting memories.

So, the next time you’re together, don’t hesitate to throw out a clever roast and watch the smiles (and maybe a few eye rolls) that follow. Happy roasting! goal is to enjoy each other’s company and create lasting memories.