160+ Funny Things to Say to Your Cousin

Introduction

Cousins are like built-in friends who always have your back. Here are 160 funny things to say to keep the laughter rolling and make every family gathering memorable!

Cousins: they’re not just family; they’re partners in crime, lifelong friends, and the source of endless laughter. From shared childhood antics to inside jokes that only they understand, the relationship between cousins is unique and irreplaceable. In this article, we dive into the world of cousin camaraderie with over 160 funny things to say, one-liners, text messages, pranks, and memes.

Whether you’re looking to tease them affectionately with a witty remark or spark laughter with a playful prank, these ideas are designed to celebrate the joyous and sometimes mischievous bond that makes being cousins so special. Join us on a journey of laughter and nostalgia as we explore ways to add a dose of humor to your interactions with your favorite cousin!

Funny Things to Say to Your Cousin

• “Why did you eat all the snacks? Oh wait, I forgot, you’re a human vacuum cleaner!”
• “I didn’t mean to push all your buttons. I was just looking for the mute button.”
• “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cucumber.”
• “Do you ever get tired of being so awesome all the time?”
• “I think you’ve got something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
• “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
• “Why do you smell like that? Oh, it’s just your natural scent.”
• “Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.”

• “You’re like a dictionary – you bring meaning to my life!”
• “Do you know why the grape stopped in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice!”
• “You must be a magician because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
• “Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d gotten the looks in the family?”
• “I think we should turn you into a meme.”
• “Can you stop being so adorable? It’s getting annoying.”
• “If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple.”
• “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.”
• “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
• “Are we related, or did I just get really lucky?”
• “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
• “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
• “Is it just me, or are you starting to look a lot like our dog?”
• “You should wear a warning sign: Caution – May Contain Nuts.”
• “Why are you always so happy? Did you swallow a smiley face?”
• “I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.”
• “You’re unique, just like everyone else.”
• “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
• “Can you lend me a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.”
• “You should be on the cover of Procrastination Weekly.”
• “I’m not sure how many problems I have, but that’s a good start.”
• “Stop being so awesome, it’s making everyone else look bad.”
• “Are you always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?”
• “Why don’t you ever get any presents? Because you open them all before anyone else can.”
• “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
• “I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my behind.”
• “You have delusions of adequacy.”
• “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”

• “I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
• “Are you made of gold? Because I think you’re worth a lot.”
• “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a lazy potato.”
• “You’re special, like a snowflake… a big, dumb, melting snowflake.”
• “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
• “You’re like a compass, always pointing in the wrong direction.”
• “You must be a broom because you sweep me off my feet.”
• “Are you a light bulb? Because you brighten my day.”
• “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’”
• “You’re proof that aliens exist.”
• “Do you know what I like about you? Absolutely nothing.”
• “Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your nonsense.”
• “Is it just me, or do you make everyone around you look like a genius?”
• “You must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day.”

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Funny Cousin One-Liner

• “You’re like a cloud, when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
• “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
• “I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.”
• “My cousin has a good heart. It’s just missing a beat.”
• “I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.”
• “You’re like a software update, whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’”
• “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
• “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
• “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
• “If you were any more incompetent, you’d be a politician.”
• “Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?”
• “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
• “I can’t believe I’m related to you. You should be a stand-up comedian.”
• “You’re proof that aliens exist.”
• “You’re like a compass, always pointing in the wrong direction.”
• “I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
• “I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my behind.”
• “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cucumber.”
• “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
• “You’re unique, just like everyone else.”
• “You’re like a dictionary – you bring meaning to my life!”
• “You should wear a warning sign: Caution – May Contain Nuts.”
• “Why do you smell like that? Oh, it’s just your natural scent.”
• “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
• “Do you ever get tired of being so awesome all the time?”
• “You must be a magician because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
• “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’”
• “I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.”
• “My cousin has a good heart. It’s just missing a beat.”
• “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
• “You’re proof that aliens exist.”
• “I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my behind.”
• “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
• “You’re like a dictionary – you bring meaning to my life!”
• “You should wear a warning sign: Caution – May Contain Nuts.”
• “Why do you smell like that? Oh, it’s just your natural scent.”
• “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

• “Do you ever get tired of being so awesome all the time?”
• “You must be a magician because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
• “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’”
• “I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.”
• “My cousin has a good heart. It’s just missing a beat.”
• “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
• “You’re proof that aliens exist.”
• “I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my behind.”
• “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
• “You’re like a dictionary – you bring meaning to my life!”
• “You should wear a warning sign: Caution – May Contain Nuts.”

Funny Cousin Text Messages

• “Do you ever look at your cousin and think, ‘How did we survive this long?’”
• “If we weren’t cousins, I’d think you were adopted.”
• “Are you a magician? Because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
• “I always feel better after making fun of you.”
• “I can’t believe we’re related. It’s like winning the lottery and finding out you have to share the prize with someone.”
• “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
• “You’re the reason I’m not adopted.”
• “I’d tell you a joke about our family, but they’re all true.”
• “I can’t decide if you’re the best cousin ever or the worst.”
• “Can you lend me a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.”
• “You’re the reason I always check my pockets before doing laundry.”
• “Do you ever wonder if our family reunion is just a test to see who will disown who first?”

• “I hope you never get tired of hearing how awesome I am.”
• “I can’t decide if our family is the best thing that ever happened to me or the reason I need therapy.”
• “Remember when we used to fight over who got the last cookie? Yeah, me neither.”
• “Do you ever look at your cousin and think, ‘How did we survive this long?’”
• “If we weren’t cousins, I’d think you were adopted.”
• “Are you a magician? Because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
• “I always feel better after making fun of you.”
• “I can’t believe we’re related. It’s like winning the lottery and finding out you have to share the prize with someone.”
• “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
• “You’re the reason I’m not adopted.”
• “I’d tell you a joke about our family, but they’re all true.”
• “I can’t decide if you’re the best cousin ever or the worst.”
• “Can you lend me a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.”
• “You’re the reason I always check my pockets before doing laundry.”
• “Do you ever wonder if our family reunion is just a test to see who will disown who first?”
• “I hope you never get tired of hearing how awesome I am.”
• “I can’t decide if our family is the best thing that ever happened to me or the reason I need therapy.”
• “Remember when we used to fight over who got the last cookie? Yeah, me neither.”

Funny Cousin Pranks

• The Fake Bug Prank: Place a fake bug under their pillow or in their room and watch them freak out.
• The Switcharoo: Swap their phone background with a hilarious meme or embarrassing photo.
• The Classic Whoopie Cushion: Always a timeless prank for some good laughs.
• The Fake Lottery Ticket: Give them a fake winning lottery ticket and watch their excitement turn to confusion.
• The Voice Changer: Use a voice changer app to prank call them pretending to be someone they know.
• The Balloon Avalanche: Fill their room with balloons while they’re asleep for a colorful wake-up call.
• The Sticky Note Surprise: Cover their car or room with sticky notes for a colorful surprise.
• The Toothpaste Oreos: Replace the cream in Oreo cookies with toothpaste and offer them as a snack.

• The Fake News Article: Create a fake news article about something outrageous they did and watch their reaction.
• The Salt in the Sugar Bowl: Swap salt for sugar in their morning coffee

• The Spilled Drink: Pretend to spill a drink on their favorite outfit or item, only to reveal it’s just water.
• The Rubber Band Door: Attach multiple rubber bands around the door handle to create a tangled mess when they try to open it.
• The Fake Spider Web: Cover their doorway or favorite chair with fake spider webs for a spooky surprise.
• The Remote Control Swap: Swap the batteries in their remote control with dead ones and watch them try to figure out what’s wrong.
• The Fake Parking Ticket: Place a fake parking ticket on their car and enjoy their panic before revealing it’s a prank.
• The Fake Bug in Ice Cube: Freeze a fake bug inside an ice cube and serve it in their drink.
• The Endless Pen Trick: Tape down the button of a retractable pen so it won’t stop writing when they try to use it.
• The Fake Phone Call: Pretend to receive a call from someone embarrassing while they’re nearby, and have a hilarious conversation.
• The Fake Remote Control: Give them a fake remote control that doesn’t actually work and watch their confusion.
• The Hair Dye Surprise: Add a temporary washable color to their shampoo bottle for a colorful surprise in the shower.
• The Fake Scratch Card: Give them a fake scratch card with a big win and watch their excitement turn to disappointment.
• The Invisible Rope Trick: Pretend to pull an invisible rope across a path they’re walking on, and watch them try to avoid it.
• The Saran Wrap Toilet Seat: Cover the toilet seat with clear plastic wrap for a surprising and slightly inconvenient bathroom break.
• The Fake Announcement: Pretend to make a loud and embarrassing announcement about them in a public place.
• The Fake Spider Prank: Place a fake spider on their shoulder or in their bag and wait for their reaction.
• The Air Horn Chair: Attach an air horn to their chair so it goes off when they sit down.
• The Switched Lunch: Swap their lunch with a hilariously themed or unexpected meal and see if they notice.
• The Fake News: Spread a humorous rumor about them among family members and watch them try to clear their name.
• The Who’s Who Confusion: Introduce them to someone with the wrong name and watch the confusion unfold.
• The Fake Lottery Win: Create a fake winning lottery ticket and celebrate with them until they realize it’s a prank.

Funny Cousin Memes

• Caption: When your cousin suggests a road trip, but you end up lost in the middle of nowhere.
• Caption: That face your cousin makes when they realize you ate the last slice of pizza.
• Caption: When your cousin says they’re always right, and you know they’re always wrong.
• Caption: The moment your cousin realizes you pranked them.
• Caption: When your cousin tries to outsmart you but fails miserably.

• Caption: When your cousin tries to be serious, but you can’t stop laughing.
• Caption: That moment your cousin realizes you’ve been pranking them all day.
• Caption: When your cousin tells a joke that’s so bad, it’s actually funny.
• Caption: When you and your cousin have inside jokes that no one else understands.
• Caption: The look on your cousin’s face when you remind them of their embarrassing childhood story.

These memes capture the playful and sometimes mischievous spirit of cousin relationships, highlighting the moments of laughter and camaraderie that make these bonds special.

Conclusion

Cousins are more than just family; they are often our first friends and partners in crime. From sharing inside jokes to pulling harmless pranks, the relationship between cousins is filled with laughter and memorable moments.

Whether you’re looking for funny things to say, one-liners to tease them with, hilarious text messages, playful pranks, or relatable memes, these ideas are sure to bring smiles and laughter to your interactions with your cousin.