160+ Good Roasts & Funny Comebacks To Argument [2024]

“With these good roasts and funny comebacks, you’ll never lose an argument again!”

Sometimes, we all face situations where someone throws a harsh comment or tries to outsmart us in a conversation. Having the right good roasts and funny comebacks can make all the difference. A quick, witty response can leave your opponent speechless and help you win any argument.

This post will provide you with a variety of clever comebacks and savage roasts to use in everyday situations, making sure you’re always ready.

Do you want to be the person who always knows how to respond with something clever? With the following good roasts and funny comebacks, you’ll always have the perfect reply ready. Make these your go-to lines for when someone tries to mess with you, and show them that you’re quick on your feet.

A well-timed comeback or roast can lighten up any conversation and let you keep control of the situation. Whether you’re in a friendly banter or trying to handle someone rude, these clever responses will give you the upper hand. Remember, the goal is to be smart and witty—not mean. So, use these lines to keep things fun and lighthearted.

Good Roasts

• “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
• “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
• “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
• “If I wanted to hear from you, I’d call your therapist.”
• “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
• “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen.”
• “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and spit out something smarter than what you just said.”
• “Your only chance of getting laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s behind and wait.”
• “I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.”
• “It’s impossible to underestimate you.”

• “You bring everyone happiness when you leave.”
• “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
• “Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.”
• “You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.”
• “The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.”
• “You’re not Floosh; you just have bad luck thinking.”
• “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must cure the world.”
• “If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
• “You look good… for a scarecrow.”
• “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”

Good Comebacks

• “Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
• “I’m sorry, I didn’t order a glass of your opinion.”
• “I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.”
• “You should try not saying everything you think. It’s not illegal yet.”
• “I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”
• “I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.”
• “You look like something I drew with my left hand.”
• “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
• “Are you always this foolish, or are you making a special effort today?”
• “Do you hear that? It’s the sound of no one caring.”
• “I’ve seen better faces on clocks.”
• “You’re not pretty enough to be this foolish.”
• “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.”
• “The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.”
• “You bring everyone so much joy… when you’re not around.”
• “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
• “I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
• “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
• “I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
• “I would explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”

Savage Roasts

• “You have delusions of adequacy.”
• “I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.”
• “I’m not saying you’re foolish, but you have bad luck with thinking.”
• “I envy people who don’t know you.”
• “If I wanted to kill myself, I’d jump from your ego to your IQ.”

• “You bring everyone happiness when you leave the room.”
• “You are as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’.”
• “Your face is fine, but you’ll have to put a bag over that personality.”
• “If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”
• “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
• “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
• “You have the perfect face for radio.”
• “Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.”
• “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
• “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
• “I’m not saying you’re fat, but it’s just that every time you step on a scale, it says, ‘To be continued…'”
• “I hope you step on a LEGO.”
• “You’re so dense, light bends around you.”
• “You’re not foolish; you just have bad luck thinking.”
• “Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.”

Funny Roasts

• “I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
• “You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
• “I’m not a proctologist, but I know an a**hole when I see one.”
• “You are like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
• “You have the perfect face for radio.”

• “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and spit out something smarter.”
• “You’re the human version of a participation award.”
• “I’m not arguing. I’m just telling you why you’re wrong.”
• “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
• “You look like something I drew with my left hand.”
• “Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.”
• “I see you’re an expert at making mistakes.”
• “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave.”
• “If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”
• “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’”
• “You’re the reason shampoo has instructions.”
• “If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I’d be broke.”
• “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
• “You look like something I drew with my left hand.”
• “You’re living proof that even mistakes can be useful.

Funny Comebacks

• “I’m busy right now. Can I ignore you another time?”
• “Do you hear that? It’s the sound of no one caring.”
• “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.”
• “I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”
• “Are you always this foolish or just making a special effort today?”
• “I’m sorry, I didn’t order a glass of your opinion.”
• “I don’t have the time or crayons to explain this to you.”
• “I’m jealous of people who don’t know you.”
• “I’m not saying you’re foolish, but you’ve got bad luck with thinking.”
• “If I wanted to hear from you, I’d tune into a soap opera.”
• “It’s kind of funny how your insults sound like compliments.”
• “I didn’t mean to offend you, but it was a happy accident.”
• “I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself.”
• “You have delusions of adequacy.”
• “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
• “The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.”
• “I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.”
• “I see you’ve been working hard… on making excuses.”
• “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.”
• “I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.”

Clever Comebacks for Everyday Conversations

• “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”
• “You sound better with your mouth closed.”
• “I didn’t mean to push all your buttons. I was just trying to hit mute.”
• “You bring everyone happiness when you leave.”
• “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that—could you repeat it, but in a smarter way?”
• “I don’t argue with people on your level. It’s not fair.”
• “Somewhere, a village is missing its idiot.”
• “I don’t need a hairdryer, your breath does the job.”
• “If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
• “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
• “You should eat some makeup. Maybe you’ll be pretty on the inside.”
• “Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how irrelevant you are.”
• “Are you a magician? Because every time you open your mouth, you disappear.”
• “I’m not a cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.”
• “Your mind is like a steel trap—rusty and stuck open.”
• “You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.”
• “I’m not saying I hate you, but if you were drowning, I’d throw you a brick.”
• “You’re the reason I even roll my eyes.”
• “Don’t worry, I’ll get over it. I just need to be under it first.”
• “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”

Insults to Shut Down Haters

• “You’re like a light bulb: not very bright, but still annoying.”
• “The fact that you’re alive proves that life isn’t fair.”
• “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
• “You’re not foolish. You’re just a few fries short of a Happy Meal.”
• “I can explain it, but I can’t help you understand it.”
• “Your face is fine, but we’ll need to work on that personality.”
• “Somewhere out there, a tree is working hard to produce oxygen for you. You should apologize.”
• “You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.”
• “You have the charm of a wet towel.”
• “I don’t know what makes you so foolish, but it really works.”
• “You must be tired from jumping to conclusions.”
• “I’m not saying you’re fat, but you could sell shade.”
• “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
• “Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.”
• “You’re like a broken pencil—completely pointless.”
• “I’d slap you, but I don’t want to get your foolishity on my hands.”
• “You’re like a storm cloud—dark, heavy, and always ruining the mood.”
• “If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.”
• “I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.”
• “You have a great face for radio.”

Funny Comebacks for Awkward Situations

• “Well, aren’t you a ray of pitch-black darkness?”
• “I’m not sure what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
• “I didn’t order a glass of your opinion.”
• “You bring everyone so much joy… when you’re not around.”
• “Your life is like a soap opera: dramatic and pointless.”
• “I’ve seen salads more dressed than you.”
• “Are you always this foolish, or did you take a class?”
• “Your brain is like the Bermuda Triangle—things go in and never come out.”
• “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.”
• “You have delusions of adequacy.”
• “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
• “I’m not saying I don’t like you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
• “Your only chance of getting a compliment is if you fish for one.”
• “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the time or the crayons.”
• “Your mind is like a steel trap—rusty and closed.”
• “I’m jealous of people who don’t know you.”
• “I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my rear.”
• “You’re like a candle in the wind—constantly flickering and never really lighting up.”
• “You’re proof that even a broken clock can be right twice a day.”
• “You should carry a plant around to replace the oxygen you waste.”

Conclusion

With these good roasts and funny comebacks, you’ll be prepared for any challenge thrown your way. Whether you’re in a friendly banter or trying to outwit someone, always stay confident. Keep these clever responses in your back pocket, and you’ll be able to win any argument with ease!